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Submitting to God - with our sex lives...
Let’s talk about sex.  I hear now and then in marriage one is in the mood and one’s not in the mood—sometimes.  Does that happen?  Surely that’s just a rumor... I’ve been teaching married couples for almost ten years now, and whenever I speak about sex, everybody always gets quiet.  I was going to do a series on sex in September, but I have decided to do hold off on this series for the moment and do it sometime in 2008. But sex is a good topic to discuss and discover God’s perspective.  In the church is the second most important place we can talk about sex - first is in the home; second is in the church.  We need to embrace the sacredness of this topic as something that is important to get God's viewpoint on.

But back to the original question - what happens in marriage when one is "in the mood" and one is not?  What do you do then?  Well, the Bible says to stop depriving one another, except for time of prayer.  And it goes on to say that both the husband and the wife must agree to pray together.  And from a biblical viewpoint (there are other reasons such as physical limitations, emotional hurts, etc. that would limit sexual activity for awhile), that's the only reason you should say “no” to your spouse’s sexual advances - mutual, agreed-upon prayer.  So I guess the excuse now will not be, “Honey I’ve got a headache,” but, “Honey, let’s pray.”

Whenever one party is in the mood and the other isn’t, don’t just say, “No!”  Don’t ever do that.  You can say “no,” but say “no” with a 24-hour rule.  “No, tomorrow morning.  No, tomorrow afternoon.  No, tomorrow night.”  Don’t just say “no.” 

You see, sexual intimacy is the glue in marriage, the superglue.  “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”  That’s why I laugh so much when people talk about sex in a casual way.  “Yeah, they just had sex.”  I mean, sexual intimacy is so holy.  It’s so powerful.  It’s so incredible.  When the sperm and the egg meet, you have the beginning of an eternal being!  How profound is that?

So what do you do when one’s in the mood, one’s not in the mood?  You can say “no,” now and then, but not very much.  “No, tomorrow morning; tomorrow afternoon; tomorrow evening.”  Authority and submission.  You’re submitting one to another.  First of all you’re submitting to God.  You’re submitting to the other desires of the mate. 

By the way, sex is never, ever an issue of force or manipulation.  When does Jesus ever force us or manipulate us into love or service?  He never does.  And if we are loving as Christ loved the church or submitting as to the Lord, we recognize that sexual intimacy is an act of love and submission, not power and manipulation.  Husbands and wives, do you see the picture?  I don’t know how the Bible can do a better job at spelling it out.  Authority and submission, love and respect, play out in the bedroom.    

Men, sacrifice.  Women, submit.  Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church.  Wives, submit as to the Lord.  

It works financially; it works with the kids; it works in the life of intimacy and every other way.  Every single way. I look forward to Sunday...

 


 

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