You know, ministry can be a dangerous place. No, not because of working
with dangerous machines or people (not that there aren't threats
there). Ministry can be dangerous because of the heart.
The more I preach and teach about keeping our hearts right before God,
and analyzing our hearts, the more God reveals to me my own heart...
There
are several common, daily ways in which I struggle with heart issues.
The first way is in letting my heart be seized or ruined by past hurts.
For someone who preaches about forgiveness so much, I am not too eager
to forgive those who have hurt me. And when I do forgive, I am way too
quick to pick up the pain and hurt again, and let it affect me.
- This
happened to me last week, as I was reminded of several people who
seriously hurt me and damaged my hurt. As a flood of emotions rolled
back in, I found myself angry and getting upset again. And it required
me to surrender afresh to God or drown in new defeat. And it wasn't
easy to choose God - I so much desire for vengeance to be mine,
and for their complete removal from my life (which is the unacceptable,
devilish path to hatred). My heart can be so easily sidetracked by past
hurts.
The second way that my heart wants to wander is with
pride. With every success and blessing that God brings, my heart wants
to well up with pride as if I
were the one who deserved any credit. It is the temptation to supplant
God and to position myself on the throne. Jim Elliot, in one of his
journal entries, wrote about the impurity that threatened to hold off
answers to prayer in regards to his specific ministry - "I still had my
own concerns, my own name
(emphasis mine) connected with the work, and had God granted (my
request) I would have consumed the answer in pride and selfishness." (Shadow of the Almighty, p. 125).
- Every
time The Journey succeeds, pride wants to be an issue. And even when it
is not succeeding in an area, I try to play martyr and let people (my
inner circle) know that it is MY name on the line. You see, Rob Willis
is way too concerned about his name
if The Journey doesn't succeed and move forward. But Rob Willis needs
to be constantly reminded that it is about HIS name receiving glory. It
is the "ride of pride" that I have to guard my heart against.
The
third problem with my heart is complacency. I have a tendency when
things are going well to have the "If it's not broken, don't fix it"
mentality. And there is man's wisdom there, but not necessarily
spiritual or in ministry. Just because something isn't "broken" doesn't
mean it should stay the same or that I should continue doing it. That's
poor stewardship. The single talent given to the servant
was not broken - it was whole, worthy, and able to do what it could
afford - it wasn't broken. But what was broken was the attitude of the
servant - he was complacent and sat on the very thing he should have
been investing.
- I get this. Rather than looking for more ways to seek the kingdom of God first,
I instead look for ways to maintain, to not rock the boat, and to make
sure that I and my church ministries continue to stay the same (at
least). It is so easy for my heart to get complacent with the status
quo - and that's not where I want to be, and what I have to guard my
heart against.
God,
please make me a man after Your own heart, a dangerous man who learns
to forgive and move past hurt; who has no other choice but to let You
be strong and me be weak; and who doesn't rest on yesterday's
achievements. Father, make me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to
decision. Let me not be a milepost on The Journey; make me a fork, that
men must turn one way or another because they face Christ in me. I
surrender more to you today, more than the "all" I surrendered
yesterday. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
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